There's a lot of us...

So it's another Tuesday. Another one of those normal days, to much to do, not enough time to do it!

How do one keep oneself stable with all the running around one must do?!?! Stress Relief, and a few moments to unwind! Its called indulgence in moderation!

I have been doing a fantastic job at keeping up my gym routine. I managed to figure out a decent schedule where I can get where I want, to do what I want and reach the goal I have made for myself, and using it as a place to de-stress and unwind. But that isn't always enough. Drinking Fruit & Vegetable Juice for most meals a day is not the way to live. So tomorrow I tend to indulge a bit. I am going to go out and abuse the Restaurant week deals at Ruth's Chris Steak House here in providence. A yummy steak dinner with a couple friends, then its off to movie night for laughs, thrills, chills, and maybe some slasher moments! Its these nights I love the most. Some good friends, no worries, and a bucket of pop corn!

I feel like more people need to do more simple plans with friends. Hitting the bars and clubs every night you have off just isn't the way to go in my mind. Finding out what makes your friends laugh, cry, cringe, or even shit their pants is so much more worth it to me. A friend of mine recently showed me this through his little movie nights he has been hosting almost nonstop since the early 90's. 

So get your friends together, do a game night, a movie night, a low-key evening something, but make sure you do one thing no matter what you choose to do....TALK, watch movies you already know and Love some nights and just get to know your friends, you even might learn something about yourself.

Maybe you can make it on a

friggatriskaidekaphobia

...The Fear of Friday the 13th.

"In numerology, the number twelve is considered the number of completeness, as reflected in the twelve months of the year, twelve hours of the clock, twelve gods of Olympus, twelve tribes of Israel, twelve Apostles of Jesus, the 12 Descendants of Muhammad Imams, etc., whereas the number thirteen was considered irregular, transgressing this completeness. There is also a superstition, thought by some to derive from the Last Supper or a Norse myth, that having thirteen people seated at a table will result in the death of one of the diners." 


So, dinner party holders...you have been warned!

I never understood why one would fear this day. Yes it has scary movie marathons on many channels, and everyone feels like everyone else is being moody that day, but its Friday! As long as your not part of a human centipede while being forced to listen to Rebecca Black's song on repeat, I don't feel it has any reason to be a bad day. Most people get paid Fridays, the weekend starts, you get to sleep in a little the next morning (unless you have a dog like me which must wake you up at 8am or he makes you miserable for it).

I love Fridays. There is always such a sigh of relief in so many peoples lives on Fridays. The knowledge that the average work week is over at the close of day allows so much crap to be overlooked and so much bullshit to be ignored. At 5pm you can undo that tie, walk out the door and do what ever the hell you want. Meet up with a good friend at a BYOB sushi place with a nice bottle of wine, or catch the latest 3D flick for kicks. Then there is also the staple, hit the bars with friends and see what Gayhem can be caused in a single evening. I however have decided to do basically all of the above, with a little ad-libing.

To start my Dark Friday events, after I shed my work cloths and kick my ass at BSC, I plan to spend the first part of my evening at a friends. Horror movies, home cooked meals, and I'm sure a ton of laughs and good convo will be the best appetizer to my night. Then I'm sure we will wander down to one of our favorite watering holes to people watch, visit with friends, and maybe make some new ones. Then for dessert maybe a stop off at a local club for some karaoke and dancing. The fun of Friday evening is making it whatever you want it to be. A quiet night with someone special, or a bender bar crawl around town. As long as you have a good time and make it home safe who cares.

Happy Friday the 13th everyone!

May it be a SCREAM!

"I've chased hope to long, held you to close clinging to dust and trying to composed a story already told. I'm looking forward, to hold on is a foolish excursion into the practice of dying, an art form flying in the face of certain remorse. City nights are a new beginning, a journey in one place, maybe even an accidental meeting with another lost stranger. maybe even a moment to be still, quiet and not look back."

~Anthony "The Stranger In Us" (2010)

I took a personal day yesterday cleaned the apartment, did the dishes and spent some time getting reacquainted with myself. I watched this film which made me think a lot (Cited in the Caption above). It's time to make what I want happen on my own. I felt a lot with this main character. He was a bit of a lost soul, a writer, creative, and after what most of us seek out in life; love, happiness, affection, and security. Like him I love to walk around a city, be it Boston, NYC, London, where ever. I walk, and I think. I talk to myself (and probably scare a number of innocent strangers while doing it). I try to get to know myself, or that stranger that seems to reside in my mind. I feel its true, we all have a stranger inside of ourselves. Some part of us that longs to be freed, longs to fulfill their needs and desires. The question is, is the 'Stranger' your true self, or just your primal urges, or a difficult balancing act of both? Sometimes it is hard to differentiate between our true selves and this stranger that can easily take control.

We often see the mentally Ill or the suffering addict portrayed in our favorite television and film dramas as being possessed, by some alien, demonic or strange force, that either a drug or mental illness had welcomed a strange presence into them and smothered their true self from being expressed. But, what I am starting to believe that this 'stranger' might not necessarily be a terrible thing. Maybe the reason people seem to suffer from depression, anxiety, or low self esteem is that they don't let this stranger out enough, or they don't control the urges and desires it seeks. Many seem to bury their wants and desires under rules, judgements, and social guidelines. They allow others to control the way the think, feel, or dream. This is not Healthy. Short of a trained professional (and even sometimes they don't have a clue), no one can tell you how you feel, or how things affect you. Only you have the power to express your true self.  And maybe that stranger is the real you.

Perhaps you have allowed parts of yourself become estranged to yourself, perhaps you denied your wants and desires from being fed for a time because others told you to, or you felt guilty for wanting them, but that wont last forever. Everyone has a breaking point, and if you build a false dam in your mind eventually the flood gates will crack and your life will be consumed by a 'stranger' who is finally free. They say take everything in moderation, and I mean to do so. I will spend my time alone when I need it, but not to the point where I am lost and alone. I will spend my time with my friends and family, but not to the point where I lose myself. I will love, I will hate, and I will do what makes me happy (so long as it causes minimal pain to others)

and finally...

I won't settle, I won't bury, I won't hide who I am and what I want from myself any more.



My name is Terence, I want certain things in my life, and I mean to get what I want.
It's nice to meet you.


  

Living life with a "Permagrin" -ChrisB

It's Sunday Funday, it's 50 degrees and late January, it's sunny and beautiful, life's busy yet empty.

Where do you go when you feel like your wheels are spinning, your tires are bald, and your life is so busy but you feel empty. Where is the spark, the drive the need to be motivated. I feel like I'm in a treadmill permanently. I need a change, a reason, a desire to get out of bed in the morning for more of a reason than going to work to pay my bills.

I need to find what makes me happy, what makes me feel better, what makes me feel more like me.

I hope I find it soon, I've turned off the paved road, and this dirt path isn't cutting it.

Late Nights and Early Mornings

Life is a 'B' movie, it isn't terrible, it isn't perfect, but it has a story. My story like many others is a series of climactic points that has peaks between valleys of quiet, sometimes boring normalcy. Like many I live a fairly 'normal' life, I get up, walk the dog, go to work, go to the gym, go out and visit with friends, or stay in with a book, film, or video game. But lately, there seems to be a more rapid succession of peaks with short periods of valleys.

So I'm taking 'steps' as they say to re-evaluate my situation, work on my feelings, my needs, my desires, and my goals. Some may call it selfish, some may call it unnecessary, but you have to love yourself and be happy with yourself before you can share yourself with others. I feel as something is missing, lacking or unfulfilled as I go about my daily routines. Perhaps it's a lingering need that I have never fulfilled with myself, perhaps it's remnant of my insecurities from my adolescent years jabbing at my psyche and shaking me up a bit.

I know many of us in this day and age have issues with our appearance, weight, financial status, sexual identities, and even what we are going to do with our lives. I admit I am one of them. So to fix this I am trying to get what I think I really want. I have a great job that is rewarding and I get a chance to help others, but I am working on advancing my position by taking on new projects out of my daily routine to be able to support the life I want to live. I am making goals for exercising and eating/drinking healthier to help my issues with my appearance. Yet the biggest move I am trying to make is to stop trying to fix other people's problems. I know I am a great person, and I love helping people whenever I can, but I have to worry about fixing myself before I can be a truly supportive person for others.

It's my time. It's a new year and hell the world is suppose to be ending before my 28th birthday.


So as it stands, it's my time


and


'Tomorrow belongs to me'