"I've chased hope to long, held you to close clinging to dust and trying to composed a story already told. I'm looking forward, to hold on is a foolish excursion into the practice of dying, an art form flying in the face of certain remorse. City nights are a new beginning, a journey in one place, maybe even an accidental meeting with another lost stranger. maybe even a moment to be still, quiet and not look back."

~Anthony "The Stranger In Us" (2010)

I took a personal day yesterday cleaned the apartment, did the dishes and spent some time getting reacquainted with myself. I watched this film which made me think a lot (Cited in the Caption above). It's time to make what I want happen on my own. I felt a lot with this main character. He was a bit of a lost soul, a writer, creative, and after what most of us seek out in life; love, happiness, affection, and security. Like him I love to walk around a city, be it Boston, NYC, London, where ever. I walk, and I think. I talk to myself (and probably scare a number of innocent strangers while doing it). I try to get to know myself, or that stranger that seems to reside in my mind. I feel its true, we all have a stranger inside of ourselves. Some part of us that longs to be freed, longs to fulfill their needs and desires. The question is, is the 'Stranger' your true self, or just your primal urges, or a difficult balancing act of both? Sometimes it is hard to differentiate between our true selves and this stranger that can easily take control.

We often see the mentally Ill or the suffering addict portrayed in our favorite television and film dramas as being possessed, by some alien, demonic or strange force, that either a drug or mental illness had welcomed a strange presence into them and smothered their true self from being expressed. But, what I am starting to believe that this 'stranger' might not necessarily be a terrible thing. Maybe the reason people seem to suffer from depression, anxiety, or low self esteem is that they don't let this stranger out enough, or they don't control the urges and desires it seeks. Many seem to bury their wants and desires under rules, judgements, and social guidelines. They allow others to control the way the think, feel, or dream. This is not Healthy. Short of a trained professional (and even sometimes they don't have a clue), no one can tell you how you feel, or how things affect you. Only you have the power to express your true self.  And maybe that stranger is the real you.

Perhaps you have allowed parts of yourself become estranged to yourself, perhaps you denied your wants and desires from being fed for a time because others told you to, or you felt guilty for wanting them, but that wont last forever. Everyone has a breaking point, and if you build a false dam in your mind eventually the flood gates will crack and your life will be consumed by a 'stranger' who is finally free. They say take everything in moderation, and I mean to do so. I will spend my time alone when I need it, but not to the point where I am lost and alone. I will spend my time with my friends and family, but not to the point where I lose myself. I will love, I will hate, and I will do what makes me happy (so long as it causes minimal pain to others)

and finally...

I won't settle, I won't bury, I won't hide who I am and what I want from myself any more.



My name is Terence, I want certain things in my life, and I mean to get what I want.
It's nice to meet you.